Mama came from a broken home; an overly aggressive, possibly rabid coyote dug a hole into it. Otherwise, Mama had an amazingly beautiful family. Her parents were the type to load up the family for a hike on the weekends, and the parents would tell stories to the kids while they looked around for rocks. They were lapidarists, a hobby the parents picked up while conscripted together in the army. Mama’s dad was a general, charged with seek and destroy missions for CHUNKS that had gotten a taste for rabbit blood.
Mama’s mom was a field nurse. She once held the rabbit guts of a young man hit by a car. A particularly senseless loss, the boy was from the country, and was never taught to look both ways before crossing the street.
Mama’s parents were gentle, though firm, God fearin’ folk. The type that prayed before meals, and volunteered during the holidays. They ate supper together five days per week, and the house was always filled with kids, grandkids, aunts, uncles, and cousins. It was an amazing childhood.
It’s these sorts of sensibilities that guided Mama Rabbit through life. She was always family first: a doting mother, a thoughtful daughter, and an attentive wife. She would never, ever…EVER…let anything or anyone come between her and her family.
It’s rabbit nature to want to be found attractive, so when the medical salesrabbit at the office complimented Mama, she was genuinely flattered. When he came around again a month later, Mama was sure to be friendly, but also sure to not do anything he might take the wrong way. She avoided eye contact when he looked too much; she was sure to casually pepper in “my husband” this, and “my husband” that.
Mama was an elegant rabbit; even baggy scrubs hung on her body just so. She somehow became even more irresistible the less she did with her hair. She had a graceful hop that jiggle and shook her body in an appealing manner. She had become an expert at fending off attention from a lifetime of bumbling male sexual advances.
Long story short: Mama didn’t need help putting the salesrabbit in his place. She thought…no…she fully expected to have to deal with him again. Mama thought to herself: “if this man is dumb enough to continue this ridiculous behavior, then he’s earned himself a good tongue lashing.”
Sure enough, who comes hopping through the door? Yep, the overeager salesrabbit. “How ya duin ma’am?”
“How can I help you sir,” Mama said seriously with direct eye contact.
“Has anybody told you how pretty you look today? What do you say we go out??”
Direct, serious, and firm, Mama looked right in his clueless face: “sir, I couldn’t be more flattered. But I’m married and in no way am I even remotely interested. This is beyond unprofessional, and if it happens again I am going to call your boss. Do we have an understanding?”
“Ummm…uh…gosh…jeez”. He was actually surprisingly apologetic and respectful. This is usually the response you get when you’re direct, blunt, and unwavering. The salesrabbit kindly hopped right back from whence he came.
Mama Rabbit looked down at her Fitbit: she needed 4,763 more steps to reach her target for the day. She grabbed her Dasani water, her sunglasses, and went outside for a hop around the office building.