Papa Rabbit thought “Brokeback Mountain” was an absolutely transcendent love story. He teared up…every time.
Papa grew up in the 90’s when all of his friends would say “What’s up fag” instead of “What’s up bro,” and “You’re a queer” instead of “Shut up idiot.” None of them ment any of it. It’s just the way they were; the cool thing to do. Grandpa Rabbit never allowed such talk in the home.
Papa had never met a gay person. Or maybe he had, he just didn’t know it. Papa’s first real job was at the hospital, and for years he worked with Nancy (or Gretchen?): she had a glistening mullet, baggy clothes, and a booming voice. Years later, Papa was like “Awww…I think that lady might have been a lesbian.” One time Papa was bagging groceries at another job at a grocery store, and a man complimented him on his eyes (Papa was blessed with some piercing baby blues), and Papa thought it was odd, but hardly found it threatening.
Papa got older, old enough to form his own opinion on things, and his opinion was…well…he didn’t have much of an opinion on the topic, to be honest. He never really understood the hubbub. Sometimes, this is the best way to be: like…what’s your opinion on beans? “Dunno. To be honest, I’ve never thought much about them.”
Papa had considered that with such a large family of 73 kids (or was it 77?) that one of them would be gay or lesbian. He would think about what it would be like or what he would do. So…it was indeed painful when rumors started to go around that Triscuit was gay. Papa had heard the rumors that Triscuit was seen with another boy, numerous times; adolescence is hard enough, imagine having the whole town talk about you.
Papa believed in being available to his children; he would never dare try to force Triscuit into an uncomfortable conversation.
Finally, after many months: “Papa, can I talk to you?”
“Of course Triscuit, what is it?”
“There’s something I need to tell you, that I think you may already know. I had a girlfriend once, and that just didn’t feel right. I loved her dearly, but only as a friend. In fact, she was my best friend, and she helped me with something. She helped me realize something that I have actually known for a while. Papa, I don’t like girls all that much, at least…as much as I like boys. I mean, I just like them differently. And if it’s okay, that’s all I wanna say for now.”
Papa…in his infinite old man wisdom…was already prepared for this moment. He thought about giving a big ‘ole speech. Or asking more questions. Or prying.
Instead? “Fuck it dude, let’s go bowling.”
Ya, sometimes, the best thing to do is…nothing at all.
And that’s just what they did, they went bowling. Triscuit bowled a 123, and Papa a 92. They talked about Triscuit’s plan for college, and what he wanted to major in. They sat down for a burger afterwards and shared the “Cosmic Milkshake.” It was the best afternoon ever.